Is that Biblically wrong?" - Rianka
Rianka, marriage and remarriage is an issue that has been widely discussed within the culture and the church in recent times with many coming to different conclusions. Today, many believers are coming to the right conclusions for the wrong reasons and still more are coming to the wrong conclusion for the wrong reasons. I’m not here to judge but to critique. We all make mistakes. I’m also not saying that divorce is never acceptable. But I am here to explain the right path that God created for relationships and the family. Although I may have taken the path less traveled with this answer, I hope that the Holy Spirit will use this post to touch lives. What I hope is that everyone can walk away with is a biblical understanding of God’s plan for mankind and marriage. I will readily admit that I’m not an expert on marriage and relationships. But at the end of the day, it’s not about me. It’s about God’s plan for the man, marriage and the universe
The Status Quo- Marriage In America Today:
The decline in respect of God, his scripture, and his plan led to compromise within America. In the 1962, prayer was taken out of the school system, followed soon by the removal of the Scripture. The statistics are staggering: A huge increase in violent crime, teen pregnancy, single parent homes and a massive drop in education standards and SAT scores. One of the most significant results was the passage of no fault divorce.
America today has a marriage crisis. It’s just that simple. America’s baseline divorce rate is commonly quoted as 50%. According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, 50% percent of first marriages end in divorce while second and third remarriages end with divorce rates of 67% and 74% respectively. I don’t report this to scare people although it should. I post it because it needs to be known. But why is America’s divorce rate so high? It’s not just because Americans have lost faith and respect for marriage in the family but because we have forgotten or rejected God’s original plan for marriage. We have rejected the author and his plans.
But in a culture today that has little value on marriage, many reading may ask: Who cares? Why does marriage matter? People can’t help the fact that they are “failing in love “or who it’s with? America is about freedom, right? So why should we tell people how to live? All of these objections fail to understand God’s perfect plan for marriage.
God did not institute marriage to limit our freedom and force us into “slavery“. God didn’t create marriage as a temporary relationship to change with our every whim and desire. God instituted marriage to be a precious relationship between one man and one women for life. As we will see with the account of Adam and Eve, marriage was designed for our benefit. God DESIGNED us for marriage and family.
God’s Original Plan for Marriage:
First off, what is Marriage? I might seem self explanatory but I hope you are not surprised that it actually needs defining in today‘s culture. Merriam Webster 1828 Dictionary defines marriage (http://1828.mshaffer.com/d/search/word,Marriage)
“The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them.”
“Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.”
Marriage and the family was the first system of authority EVER created by God for mankind. Marriage is not defined by government or society. It was created by God and is defined and regulated by God alone.
Genesis 2 tells us about the first marriage.
‘The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
What does Genesis tell us? God created man and women to be together through marriage.
“A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Marriage is a God ordained partnership. What is our purpose in life and in marriage?
Genesis tells us “And God blessed them: and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Men and women are designed to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion.” We are God’s stewards on earth. Men and women gifts are different but complementary way to fulfill our mission. God created us to be united together in marriage to fulfill our purpose and glorify him. For that reason, God takes marriage very seriously. Hebrew 13:4 says “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.”
Marriage fulfills the natural desire that God has placed in each person. But these desires are so profound that Satan has tried to twist our natural curiosity and attraction to lust and sinful desires to distract and overshadow the beauty of a biblically founded marriage. Marriage is stand as a symbol of Christ and the Church [Rev 19]. Marriage should mirror this picture of love and sacrifice. [Eph 5] It’s because marriage is so precious that it has been a major battle ground. Satan’s plan is to destroy God plan which is strongly rooted in marriage and the family. So what is Satan going to attack? The lie Satan wants us to believe is that God’s plan for marriage is not sufficient and that we have a better plan for love and happiness.
Marriage is precious and should be protected, celebrated, and cherished by the church. Broken marriages create broken people. Broken Marriages Create Broken People. But if anyone is divorced or has family who is divorced, I hope you realize there is hope and forgiveness for our past mistakes. Divorce, outside of God’s boundaries, is not an unforgivable sin. Christ can heal the wounds of a failed or divided marriage. Is the pain real? Yes. But in Christ, we can be forgiven.
What is Love and Love’s Role in Marriage?
Before I continue, I need to clarify and define Biblical love. You may be thinking… Really? You need to define love? Well, we live in a culture that tells us love is a lot of different things; Media tells us that love is just a warm feeling you have no control over. You can fall madly in love and everything will be ok. The culture practices dating and relationships like a fashion statement. They practice relationships in such a way that attraction is to be used to get what you want. The world says: True love compromises. Sex outside of God’s boundaries is love and power. It’s the lie of lust. Lust tells us that it can satisfy but instead lust distracts us from true love and biblical love.
Ephesians explains that love should compel us to hold ourselves to high standards and protect our brothers and sisters, before, during, and after marriage.
Ephesians 5:1-3 tells us “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
We are to remain pure. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, “ This is a high standard that God call us too. This seems hopeless. In our culture, it might not seem easy to stay pure. What we don’t seem to understand is that the low standards and impurity is harming ourselves and our brother and sisters. Lust doesn’t just affect you. Sin tells us that it will satisfy but it only destroys. Jesus said “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Sin corrupts God’s perfect plans. When we give in to our lusts before, during or after marriage, we are sinning against God, ourselves, and our brother and sisters in Christ.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Why, you may ask, am I even talking about lust? Well, Lust and misplaced desire is the greatest driver for divorce and broken families. Sin comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
What is TRUE love?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
The world’s “love” leads to a false commitment that leads to pain, brokenness and compromise. The world’s “love” is self seeking. Biblical love is sacrificial. The world’s “love” is wavering. Biblical love is an absolute commitment. The world’s “love” compromises. Biblical love holds high standards.
Biblical love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Christ gave us the perfect example of love when he died on the cross. Sacrifice, grace, and truth. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)
God showed us what sacrificial love is through his son. God gave us a picture of perfect love. Many people think that love is a fuzzy feeling that we can’t understand and is beyond our control. Biblical love is a sacrificial commitment to support and cherish others regardless of changing times, conditions, and feelings while gently keeping others on the right track.
Biblical Guidelines for Marriage:
Paul sets up guidelines in the Scripture for us to follow regarding marriage. Unfortunately, the Church has failed in America to look different from the world. We should be the strongest promoters of biblical marriage. Marriage is a part of our design. We tell people what marriage should look like but then we don’t practice what we preach.
1 Corinthians 7 tell us important details and commands regarding marriage.
Paul strongly suggests “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Paul continues by saying “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
Some of Paul’s best instruction can be found in his letter the Ephesians Church.
Ephesians 5:22-33
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Now, to answer your specific question, this is what the scripture says about remarriage of widow and divorced men and women.
Widows and Remarriage:
Simple. Widows are perfectly free to marry. Paul already covered this in 1 Corinthians but it was later confirmed in Romans.
“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.” (Romans 7:2-3)
Divorce:
If God values marriage so highly, would God allow the breaking of marriage? Do you believe that divorce is never acceptable? God does allow for marriage AND divorce?
Some Christians have claimed that marriage is so sacred that separation is NEVER allowed. Marriage is sacred no question but Scripture tell us that divorce can be acceptable. What some churches are suggesting is that they know better than God and the Scripture. God created marriage and therefore he is the only one to set its guidelines.
Let’s look at what Jesus said when the Pharisee’s challenged him on the issue of Divorce.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:3-9)
Marriage is sacred but God has allowed for divorce in some limited circumstances that are CLEARLY defined in the Scripture. When is divorce acceptable?
The only exception that is made for divorce is in the case of marital unfaithfulness (such as adultery, prostitution, incest…) these sins violate Gods plan for marriage and defile the sacredness of the marriage bed which is to be respected. [Hebrew 13:4] If possible, try to sort through any of these issues but as a last resort of a broken marriage, divorce may be acceptable or even necessary.
Matthew 5:32 tells us “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery”
Conclusion:
Despite what our culture seems to indicate, Marriage is a precious gift from God that is to be cherished and protected. God created and designed men and women to be in union. We should be celebrating marriage and showing true love to our brothers and sisters in Christ. While divorce can be acceptable when immorality fractures martial relationships, we should be following God and loving each other sacrificially as Christ loves the church. Rianka, without the full circumstances of the divorce, I can’t tell you whether or not it was biblical. Yet, Scripture sets firm guidelines for a beautiful and God honoring marriage. Regardless, you are asking the RIGHT questions and looking at the CORRECT authority. May God bless you as you search his word for his plan for mankind, marriage and the family and continue to proclaim his word as “Total Truth.”